Cheddar Golem

Large Construct

Hit Dice: 8d10+30 (74 hp)
Initiative: –1
Speed: 20 ft. (4 squares)
Armor Class: 20 (–1 size, –1 Dex, +12 natural), touch 8, flat-footed 20
Base Attack/Grapple: +6/+15
Attack: Slam +10 melee (2d8+5)
Full Attack: 2 slams +10 melee (2d8+5)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks: Crushing embrace, cheesy spray
Special Qualities: Construct traits, damage reduction 5/slashing, darkvision 60 ft., low-light vision, immunity to cold, scent, softened by heat
Saves: Fort +2, Ref +1, Will +2
Abilities: Str 21, Dex 9, Con —, Int —, Wis 11, Cha 1
Skills: —
Feats: —
Environment: Temperate farms, dairies, kitchens, or any land
Organization: Solitary, pair, or creamery (3–6)
Challenge Rating: 6
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always neutral
Advancement: 9–16 HD (Large); 17–24 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment: —

Special Attacks

Cheesy Spray (Ex): Once every 1d4 rounds, a cheddar golem may violently expel molten, semi-liquid cheese in a 20-foot cone. Creatures within the area take 4d6 points of nonlethal damage (Reflex DC 17 half). Those failing the save must also succeed on a DC 17 Reflex save or become entangled for 1d4 rounds as thick cheese clings to their bodies and equipment. The save DCs are Strength-based.

Crushing Embrace (Ex): If both slam attacks hit the same target during a full attack, the cheddar golem automatically attempts to start a grapple without provoking attacks of opportunity. If successful, it deals an additional 2d6+7 points of bludgeoning damage as the victim is compressed into its dense, waxy body.

Special Qualities

Construct Traits: A cheddar golem possesses all the traits of the construct type.

Damage Reduction (Ex): A cheddar golem's dense, wax-coated body grants it damage reduction 5/slashing. Slashing weapons carve away chunks of cheese more effectively than piercing or bludgeoning attacks.

Immunity to Cold (Ex): Cold temperatures merely harden the golem, making it no easier to damage.

Scent (Ex): The rich aroma of aged cheddar grants the golem the scent special quality.

Softened by Heat (Ex): Fire affects a cheddar golem differently than most constructs.

• Whenever it takes at least 10 points of fire damage from a single source, its natural armor bonus is reduced by 2 (minimum +4) for 3 rounds as portions of its body soften and sag.

• During this time its speed is reduced by 10 feet, but its slam attacks deal an additional 1d6 points of fire damage as molten cheese adheres to its fists.

• Multiple applications reset the duration but do not stack.

Description

The cheddar golem resembles a broad-shouldered humanoid sculpted entirely from enormous wheels and blocks of aged cheddar, their surfaces coated in protective wax. Thick seams divide its limbs into distinct wedges, while tiny beads of oil glisten across its body. Each ponderous step leaves behind faint yellow smears and the unmistakable aroma of a well-stocked creamery.

Unlike most golems, a cheddar golem does not inspire fear through grim menace. Instead, most observers are struck by profound confusion, often followed by disbelief as the construct lumbers toward them with surprising determination. That amusement tends to evaporate the instant its massive fists begin reducing stone walls to rubble.

The golem's body is remarkably resilient despite its unusual composition. Layers of compressed, magically hardened cheese possess a density rivaling seasoned hardwood. Interior chambers remain cool and dry through enchantment, preventing spoilage for decades or even centuries.

When seriously threatened, the cheddar golem vents pressurized reservoirs of molten cheese concealed within its torso. These scalding torrents cling stubbornly to armor, clothing, and flesh alike, making escape difficult while filling the battlefield with the smell of baked bread and melted cheddar.

Lore

Legends attribute the first cheddar golems to eccentric dairy wizards who grew tired of thieves raiding their aging cellars. Conventional guardians required food and wages, while animated armor frightened away honest customers. A golem made from enchanted cheese solved neither problem particularly well, but its creator declared the experiment a resounding success anyway.

Master cheesemakers sometimes commission these constructs as both laborers and symbols of prestige. A cheddar golem can roll massive cheese wheels, maintain aging racks, and guard valuable stores without ever tiring. Some have reportedly continued performing their duties centuries after the original creamery collapsed into ruins around them.

Adventurers encountering one deep beneath an abandoned monastery or forgotten dairy often assume it to be harmless until it awakens. Many an overconfident treasure hunter has learned that a construct capable of lifting half-ton cheese wheels is equally capable of hurling armored warriors across a room.

Rumors persist of legendary "Grand Reserve" cheddar golems crafted from magically aged cheese hundreds of years old. These colossal guardians are said to possess golden interiors veined with crystalline salt, and connoisseurs whisper that a single shaving from such a creature is worth more than most gemstones—assuming anyone survives long enough to collect it.